Comforting Lie
by Miss Pataki
Summary: "Look. I took the band aid off. Did I take it off too soon? Hysterical confession- my big courageous move. Don't gasp at the predictable. A comforting lie can't last."


"Comforting Lie" by Miss Pataki

Song fic for a No Doubt song of the same title

A/N: Ever since I became a No Doubt fan recently, I've been thinking that this song describes how Helga would feel post-confession.  I'll let you be the judge of that though.  Anyway, if you like my work and are interested in seeing my version of the jungle movie, please tell me!  I'll post it even if I get no response, but I'm very interested in what you have to say.  Okay, on to the "don't sue me" plea and then the fic.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hey Arnold! or this song.  I just think they're really cool.  In fact, I've decided to devote my life to promoting them.  Just kidding.

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Helga Pataki gazed into the full-length mirror before her and sighed.  It had been less than twenty four hours.  Not yet a day had passed since she had confessed everything to her beloved, her Arnold.  It was a rushed ordeal, a moment of temporary weakness, and while she had rejoiced in finally letting it out at first, she now hated herself for it.  

She touched a hand to the mirror, trying to somehow reach the girl who stared back at her.  _Is this me? she wondered.  __Am I really this stupid, thinking nothing will change?  Of course it will.  You saw the look in his eyes.  He knows you weren't lying.  He saw the person deep down, the stranger.  The one you keep hidden from everyone.  You let him see and now look at yourself.  You're hiding from what may come of it in your room._

_I started out on the wrong foot.  Now, I'm not myself.  I am Jekyll.  I am Hyde. Found this place to hide.  Come seek me._

_          "I wish it had never happened," she lied to her reflection.  "I wish I had never told him.  I wish things didn't have to change."_

          _Are you kidding?  Don't you see what this is?  It's a chance to let the covers fall away.  It's a chance to let him see the real you again.  You could have him in the palm of your hand._

          "I wish today never happened.  Maybe then everything would be alright."  She looked the girl in the mirror straight in the eyes.  The girl was much younger, about three.  Pink overalls covered her white tee shirt and small white shoes made her look like she was younger than she really was.  The girl placed her hands on her hips and scowled at Helga.

          "You silly little girl!" she said.  "You don't mean that."

          "Me?  A little girl?  Look who's talking," Helga replied.  She sighed again.  "Let's pretend tonight is yesterday night.  Let's pretend tomorrow is today and I never said anything."

_Oh, so up and down, so back and forth, so insecure.  Can't get this taste out of my mouth.  Swallow it down.  Pretend._

          The little girl frowned.  "If that's what you want," she remarked, wrinkling her nose.  "But the feelings will just keep building up inside you."

Helga walked away from the mirror and flopped down on her bed.  The girl's gaze followed her.  Helga turned to her open window and fixed her eyes on the world in front of her.  Outside, stars littered the sky willy-nilly like a child's toys spread over the floor.  She imagined a constellation of her love appeared before her.

          "Oh, Arnold," Helga swooned.  "Won't you come to my aid?  Whenever I see you, how I forget the worries of the world.  How I forget my cares.  Won't you help me now?  Please, just clear all this thoughts from my head…"

_Hold it, hold it all in.  Let it build up.  Oh, build a bomb.  Blow it, blow it away.  Clear it all out.  Just end it._

          "Why do you do this to yourself?" the girl asked.  "You were just fine worshipping him from afar until today.  Even though you couldn't keep your feelings secret forever, that doesn't mean you should have told him at just any old time.  Why today?  What was so special about today?"

          Helga blinked back tears.  "I might never have had the chance to tell him again if I didn't act today.  The boarding house, the neighborhood, might have been gone forever," she said.

          The girl nodded.  "You were justified in doing what you did.  But it shouldn't affect you so much.  It is a big step, but Arnold's not the kind of person who would go around telling everyone about it.  You have nothing to worry about."

          "I wish that were true," Helga admitted.  "But he'll see me differently.  I can't carry on like everything is peachy keen.  I told him I loved him.  Tell me that's not a life-changing thing."  A lone tear rolled down her cheek.

_I'm just a normal person without these problems.  When did it change?  Admissions so embarrassing, I'm on the verge of tears again._

          "You really need to calm down.  Yes, it is a life-changing thing.  Yes, he's not going to see you as the same old Helga anymore.  But isn't that what you wanted?  Didn't you want him to see you as more than just a bully?" the girl questioned.

          "I don't want to talk right now," Helga told her younger self.  She felt silly talking to herself, but the feeling was nothing compared to the numbness overcoming her entire being.  She wished the hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach would leave, along with the notion that she was powerless to stop what she thought would be her demise.

_Hold it, hold it all in.  Let it build up.  Oh, build a bomb.  Blow it, blow it away.  Clear it all out.  Just end it._

          Helga wiped her eyes and chuckled.  "Look at me.  I'm making such a big deal out of this when it's not that big…I only told the love of my life how much I worship him.  No biggie.  My reputation as being devoid of emotion is dead, but who cares?"  She cut the satire.  "Who am I kidding?  I made a complete fool of myself.  I tried to be strong to tell you how I felt, but now I see I merely created yet another stumbling block in our relationship, or lack thereof."

_Oh, look.  I took the band aid off.  Did I take it off too soon?  Hysterical confession…my big courageous move…_

          "You can't keep thinking like that," the girl in the mirror told her.  "You just weave yourself this huge lie about how because you showed your true side, he won't be able to reach you.  It's not true.  If anything, the fact that he saw the real you will push him forward.  Eventually, you're going to have to realize that telling yourself it's hopeless will only make everything more awkward.  You're only making up this lie because you're afraid that you and Arnold might have something more.  You can't go on believing some stupid story you made up."

_Don't gasp at the predictable.  A comforting lie can't last.  Preordained checklist of this awkward love…It's so sad…_

          "Stop it!"  Helga clamped her hands over her ears.  "Leave me alone!" she sobbed.  She kicked the mirror, letting it fall to the floor with a thud.  The voice of reason was gone, but her words still remained.  Helga cried even more, hugging her knees to her chest as she let the tears flow.  She didn't know why she was crying, but somehow, it made her feel better.  All the pent-up remorse and emotion she felt for that day seemed to be draining out of her system until only her deep-seated love for Arnold remained.  She wished in vain that those sentiments too would disappear, knowing she didn't mean it.  

_Hold it, hold it all in.  Let it build up.  Oh, build a bomb and blow it, blow it away.  Clear it all out.  Just end it._

          "Arnold…if you're out there, will you help me?" she posed to the stars.  "Can you take all these feelings away?"  They twinkled questioningly at her.

          "You're right…I don't mean that," she said.  "I'll keep the feelings all to myself, all bottled up inside if you don't want to burden yourself.  You can give them back if you want to."  Helga turned away from the window and was shocked to see her beloved standing there.

          "Helga, just get rid of those thoughts," he told her serenely.  "They're not helping you any, are they?  I know it's hard, but you need to give up thinking that the world is ending.  It's not.  And even if I do think of you differently, it's nothing to be worried about."

_Sort it, sort it out.  Oh, just give it back; no thank you.  And toss it, toss it away.  Eliminate.  Just give up._

          "Well, if you say so," she murmured, feeling her eyelids beginning to droop.  She yawned and lifted the covers on her bed before sliding down beneath them.  Her eyes closed moment her head hit the pillow, exhausted from her emotional drain.  Arnold smiled, tucked the covers around her and knelt to kiss her on the cheek.  She opened her eyes and looked back, but just as quickly as he had appeared, he was gone.  She smiled and went to sleep, a warm sensation still upon her cheek.

_I can't decide this tug of war.  I'm feeling weak.  Yeah… _


End file.
